YOUR MIND, IT ACHES

Your heart, it breaks. You’ve given countless thousands of dollars to the religious cult or church of choice. You’ve fed the hungry, You’ve housed the needy. You even invited an indigent person to the dinner table, and they stayed for 2 years! You drive an economical car and live in an economical house! Why- you even found a way to recycle unused brainwaves! You have done GOOD WORKS by all earthly standards and yet, life is not as it should be!

• You are too fat.
• You feel sluggish and tired most of the time!
• Your wife is not cute anymore, and your husband.. (cough/laugh)
• He keeps personally signed photographs of Farrah Fawcett, and the Spice Girls hiding in the dresser drawer right along side his skivvies!
• You just feel physically, mentally and spiritually INCONTINENT!

But hey; This is America and life goes on! You are still coping JUST LIKE THEY TOLD YOU TO!! And then one day, THE UNTHINKABLE HAPPENS; You flush the toilet as you always do but this time just as you are leaving, the sound of heavy footsteps echo on the bathroom floor. You hear the toilet lid open with a nasty CRACK! and.. an angry voice exclaims:

WHAT ARE THOSE UGLY BROWN FLECKS ALL OVER MY CLEAN WHITE PORCELAIN BOWL !!!

And suddenly the realization stops you dead in your tracks.

“OH MY GOD! MY REAR MAIN EXIT DEPOT HAS BEEN SPINNING WILDLY OUT OF MY OWN VOLITIONAL CONTROL! AND, MY PERSONAL CHOCOLATE BROWN WEASEL HAS ESCAPED, AND IS NOW RUNNING AMOK !! AND WORST OF ALL,, COULD I HAVE CAUSED SOME KIND OF A RIP OR A DEFORMITY IN THE MULTI-DIMENTIONAL WEB OF OUR UNIVERSE SLASH GALAAXIE?? WHO IN THE WORLD CAN HELP ME NOW ?? HOW CAN THIS MAD SPIRALING EFFECT BE STOPPED !!!”

Well listen up you gullible pea brain! Help is HERE NOW! You are just FOURTEEN U.S. DOLLARS AWAY from a copy of the new soon to be best selling book, Entitled:

SMOOTH MOOVE
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Get a firm grip on that UNTAMED WEASEL NOW and put an end to his DESTRUCTIVE SPIRALING EFFECT!!

All this and much much more. You cannot afford to wait any longer!

Every second that slips by, the escaped weasel continues to spin an ever greater and more insidious web of chocolate brown confusion and insanity!!

!!YOUR ETERNITY IS NOW HANGING IN THE WINGS!!

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