The Estate is the composite property, buildings and trees back on planet Earth, where the mother branch of the All One Matrix Possibilities Big Hearted Research Foundation is situated, somewhere in a northern hemisphere desert. According to "common wisdom", it is the main residence of an entity known to his followers as the Founding Researcher. The approved pronunciation is:
FOWEN-DIYONG, RE-AHS-ER-ACH- ER-EYE-ON.
The United States Internal Revenue Service has a different name for him but they won't divulge. They claim it’s a national security issue. It will be a good 25 to 30 years, long after any relevancy has passed, before anyone can obtain his true identity through the Freedom of Information Act. However, since you have bought and are reading this book you are privileged!
You shall soon know the secret! Just read on.
Using totally new and unique methods, many that have never been seen in this sector of the universe before. He performs his research, draws some sort of conclusion and then passes it on as a service to one and all.
His closest followers are known as Gleaners. Themselves being members of the elite upper economic and intellectual strata of planet Earth. The Gleaner’s general modus operandi and main politico- financial agenda, is to unquestioningly digest each and every one of the Founding Researcher’s conclusions (his "Say's").
Swiftly altering and regurgitating them in such a manner so they may easily be exploited. (as only a good education can prepare you to do). They finally meter them out in minutely chewable, grossly overpriced, over processed chunks of salty meat replica “thought product”.
One rung down the ladder, the immediate and all too willing recipients of these dogbite bits of “Spiritual Spam” are the "Affiliate-aficionados". These are the middle managers, the taskmasters, henchmen and henchwomen. They also oversee some of the more unpleasant aspects such as collections, security and corrective actions for digressers.
Finally, the population who actually pays for regular and continuous drenching of thought product. Those thousands of poor Talent Mannequins and Sapped Out Waifs. Themselves, generally in the middle and lower eco-social registers of planet Earth, struggle along day to day only to have their hard earned pittances swept unmercifully from their bank accounts, under a blustering and continued threat of the ultimate loss of their ETERNITY.
In an early lecture to his followers, the Founding Researcher himself warns:
Should anyone take pity on the Affiliate-aficionados? Or even the Gleaners? HELL NO! Why? Because their lifetime membership in the All One Matrix Possibilities Big Hearted Research Foundation entitles them to a regular dip in their very own bath of something toxic, green and milky, otherwise known as Ultimate Correctness
All soap boxing aside, let us get down to the main issues.
We will explore the answers in FIVE easy lessons. These lessons are arranged in the order of their apparent worth so they should be easy to assimilate. Religion, Geology, Science, Creationism and Humanities /Social Studies. And don't forget folks, that you can always lump art, music, spiritualism and money somewhere under humanities.
BEVELING is that exact series of actions taken by all Affiliate-aficionados in order to attain the exalted state of GLEANER. Initially the process allows the subject to be temporarily free from any residue of their last excrement. As the Foundation’s vernacular goes, “DONT’CHA NEVER LEAVE NO DOOTY HANGIN”. It also prevents the scenario of the poor misfortunate Sapped Out Waif described in the introductory infomercial whose chocolate brown weasel escaped and now runs amok.
The exact process of Beveling is confidential and classified as our very own secret religious doctrine for our own bank account and your own safety. Since the process requires rigorous training, preparation and a complete dedication on the part of each individual, all that can be told now is that it involves heating up certain membranes of the human body with a small gas Bunsen burner until said membranes become stiff and crispy. The area is then smoothed clean and true using a specially designed high speed rotary device. The "Standard issue Primary Beveling, Divine Depot Reamer" (A Foundation religious artifact) that, if sat upon with the correct voracity and vengeance for the overall life experience, produces miraculous results consistently high with the subject’s own personal mission statement.
(Actual practitioner’s testimony is available to qualified individuals who send a S.A.S.E and a lock of hair to the foundation’s non descript P.O. box out in the middle of the desert.)
